Music by Elton John. Lyrics by Bec Regalo. Vocals by Kate Lofting. Ukuleles by the Almond Milk Scandal (extended). Solo (very bad solo) by Chris Middleton. Bass by Bec Regalo. Tears by John Wallace. With respect from Thursday Night Ukestra @Wil&Sons on the passage of John Wallace into his majority, July 2019. Noisy bar downstairs from Wil&Sons. So here are the lyrics.
He’s a little bit funny when he’s teaching us uke,
Well we try to play riffs and he must think it’s quite cute,
Mark don’t pay much money, probably because of his age,
He’d do better at Macca’s earning minimum wage.
He probably plays sitar, the lute and banjo,
We don’t think there’s a stringed instrument that he doesn’t know,
But we can’t write music, this is the best we can do,
Our gift is this song, so happy birthday to you.
And we will tell everybody that this is our John,
We may be quite simple and he might be young,
We hope you don’t mind the dodgy song lines, and Chris’s lazy thumb strums,
We’ve forced him to solo, which was probably quite dumb.
We hang out on Thursdays, his bass rocks the Boss,
He even nails Wagon Wheel which gets Bec quite cross,
He’s earned our respect teaching theory like Jane,
He’s quirky like Mark but he’s thankfully sane.
So excuse us for asking, but we haven’t a clue,
If you’re actually 18 or really 32?
Anyway the thing is, what we really mean,
You’re one of the sweetest guys we’ve ever seen.
And we will tell everybody that you are our John,
Though we’re not quite sure if you’re our father, brother or son
It’s not an issue, don’t mean to dis you, don’t mean to misbehave,
But will you ever consider a cut and a shave?
And we don’t know why, no we don’t know why, you put up with our crap,
But we ever so thankful that you keep coming back